Meant to write this post very long ago but with the nature of myself, slow and procrastination… I’ve only gotten down to doing so now.

I went for the worship session by Stream of Praise on 12th August n I must say, I was really awed by how God reveals Himself to me through my weakness.

I went there with a heavy heart, I do not know why myself but I know I couldn’t really worship with my heart when I arrived. I said a prayer to God for myself to be able to put down all the baggages I have with me and to worship Him. As I was praying, God reminded me once again to love with His love. I know immediately who was the person that I couldn’t love at that point in time, it was my neighbour, the person sitting beside me at the worship session. Yes, if you did not already know, I really am a person who is very short of love for people, (something which I found out after the Thailand trip.) Back to my neighbour, she was moving n so-called dancing to each and every song that was sang. I was very uncomfortable and doubtful about that, wondering if she really is worshipping God or was she ‘performing’. Probably cos I come from a more conservative church, I’m uncomfortable with people who dances to each of the worship song and especially so in this kind of worship concert, thinking that it’s more of a emotional surge. Yes, I’m being judgemental here.

And as I slowly begin to worship better and speak to God, I started tearing tremendously.. And I carelessly forgot to bring tissue papers despite knowing well that I’ll probably cry. So what God did was really 妙(can’t find the English word for it), the lady beside me quietly stuffed a piece of tissue paper into my hands. When I received it from her, I broke down even more. God has wonderfully reminded me of how unworthy I am, I judge people like I’m better than they are but the people whom I do not love are actually people whom God sent to show me love. And He loves unworthy people like me, so how can I not love the people He loves? Especially when many a times, they are actually such lovable people, just that we are blinded by our own misconceptions!

Two things struck me really deeply at that time. One was that God’s so real, I went with the thought that I’ll probably be in spiritual high because of the atmosphere and with everyone else who are high too. Yet, God revealed Himself to me and it was so real. Secondly, I do not really try to love people that I think are unlovable but have I ever realised how unworthy and unlovable I am? And to learn to look at people with more than one perspective, he/she is bound to have his/her lovable side.

I have to blog this down also cos I realised as school started that I’ve become judgemental again.. Complaining about my lecturers, complaining about this and that. I shouldn’t forget the lessons I learnt on that Saturday night and constantly remind myself of my own unworthiness so as to take away any complacency and pride that I have. 

“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

How often do we forget that?